Good evening, minions. Welcome once again to my lair.

Let’s talk about something that has bothered me since I saw it. At first, I thought, “Maybe she was in her way trying to use humor to explain the situation.” On second viewing, I thought, “Maybe I was just taking it the wrong way and I need to give her another chance.” On the third viewing, I thought, “Nope, this is insulting and vulgar.”

On The Rosie Show, Rosie talked about a picture of her and her daughter causing an uproar because they caught a small shark. Then she said someone dug up a picture that was over a decade old showing where she and her family had caught a 500-odd pound hammerhead shark.

She went on to say some nasty animal people blew up her Twitter feed with hateful messages. And she was going to use her show to shed light on the situation.

This I have no issue with.

Rosie explained she and her daughter captured the small shark legally with a net and released it back into the ocean. She further explained that the picture of them with the 500-odd pound hammerhead was taken over a decade ago when it was still legal to catch hammerheads. And then she also explained that Florida has since made hammerheads an endangered species so they cannot be killed for sport.

Okay. That would have been sufficient. She explained the situation; she shed light on it and told the truth, getting that information out to the people. We understand some people who may not have had the correct information blew up her Twitter feed. Yes, they may have posted hateful messages. I do not condone negative ways because they do none of us or any cause we hold dear any good.

I would have said something along the lines of “People blew up my Twitter feed because they may not have had the true information. I want to tell you that correct information and explain the picture.” Something like that. But no.

She had to go further. And being a life-long animal advocate, an animal rescuer who has worked countless hours to rescue animals and raise money and donations for the cause (my books are all dedicated to animals I have known or rescued and to the animal advocates who work so hard), and as a vegan, I was appalled at the manner in which she handled the situation.

Instead of saying, “I understand there are people who may have taken to blowing up my Twitter feed but not all animal advocates are fanatics or weirdos.”

Reading on her show some of the Twitter posts and making snarky comments to the posters was counterproductive. I personally was offended and in no way found it funny. Yes, these people may have acted in an extreme manner by posting on her Twitter, but I found her actions to be demeaning to those of us who work, and have worked for decades, to help animals around the world and to raise awareness of endangered species and the needless slaughter for profit of animals.

When someone such as Rosie uses her very public platform to make snarky comments instead of simply explaining the situation, it does so much more harm than good. This cast a shadow on animal advocates, lending credence to the misconception that we are hateful weirdos, troublemakers who value animals over people.

To have someone come out in a hammerhead shark costume and pretend he is part of an “Occupy” movement to occupy The Rosie Show was an additional slap in the face to those who work to help the animals and I also found it to be utterly disrespectful to those people who are part of “Occupy” movements to help better our country and our world. What makes this very unpalatable to me is the fact that Rosie found this display acceptable. Is it just my imagination, or has she gone on record on her own show demonstrating her support of the “Occupy” movement? I found this display to be vulgar. Not funny. Not sarcastic. Vulgar.

Some people in her audience may have laughed. I personally feel the laughter was more along the lines of people laughing out of sheer nervousness. You know that awkward laughter when you don’t quite know how to react?

You’ve lost this viewer, Ms. O’Donnell, until you apologize publicly for this display. For all your support of various social causes, I found this behavior to be beyond insulting to me, insulting to my fellow animal advocates/rescuers, insulting to the people involved in the “Occupy” movements, and just insulting in general.

If it weren’t for animal advocates such as myself, many thousands of unwanted cats and dogs would have been euthanized. We have found homes for them. We have raised funds for spay/neuter clinics to help cut down on population growth. Without animal advocates, many beautiful species like the Siberian tiger and the Hyacinth macaw, which are both on the critically endangered list, would have been wiped from the earth like other species have been in the past because of poaching and needless slaughter.

I agree that some people may have posted nasty messages on your Twitter feed, Ms. O’Donnell, and that was inappropriate. But you did no favors for anyone with your vulgar display on your show. The situation could have been handled in a variety of ways, ways that were not offensive, vulgar, and ignorant.

Enjoy this Interlude from the forthcoming Book Four of the Scarabae Saga Shadows Amongst the Moonlight. Publishing date is as yet unscheduled, but hopefully will be in 2012.

Interlude

            Masks. We all wear them. Some are pretty and ornate, destined for the grandest of balls. Most are mundane and nothing to notice. Some are ugly and twisted creations, unlike anything one would wish to see at a gala.

            When I was growing up, I remember being told from time to time by adults, mainly my parents and grandparents, at certain times it wasn’t safe to play outside, especially at dusk or after dark.

            “The panthers’ll be coming through this year,” they said.

            I heard it but I didn’t know what they meant by it. What panthers? We didn’t have big cats in the area.

            Remains of farm animals and wildlife, and sometimes people, were often discovered in a grisly state, but the authorities chalked it up to the work of bears or coyotes. Never the elusive panthers. They scoffed at the tales told by folks in my neck of the woods.

            Until the year I was thirteen.

            That was the year a man named Dyce Lorenzo, who owned the pizza shop in town, was discovered—at least what remained of him was discovered—one Sunday afternoon after his wife reported him missing. Seems he failed to come home from work. His car was in the driveway but he never made it into the house he shared with his wife and two children.

            His body was found behind the shed in the backyard. Apparently, whatever got hold of him between his car and the front door of his house had brought him down and dragged him there.

            The coroner brought in the Wildlife people who hemmed and hawed and dismissed the tales of the panthers. They never did give their own theory, but they sure spent a lot of time telling anyone who’d listen there were no authenticated sightings of any sort of large felines in our area.

            One of the local vets went on record stating the wounds on Lorenzo’s body were very close in nature to those found on the bodies of various animals that summer—they appeared to be the claw and teeth marks of a large feline. Went right along with the old people scaring the hell out of us with their terrifying tales of the time of the panthers. Lurid, vivid details. Obviously to frighten us into following the rules so we wouldn’t be at risk of being torn to shreds by the big cats.

            I’d never seen any of the animal bodies people talked about, but I did see Dyce’s body for a couple minutes before it was zipped up in one of those black bags—body bags, I learned they were called.

            The beauty of the scene struck me: Red against the tan flesh and green grass. At that moment I knew I was gazing with admiration at a fantastic work of art.

            Inspiration struck.

            Even at my tender age, I knew the beauty which mattered most was what’s inside a person because that’s the way I had been raised. Inner beauty made a person special. I wanted so much to be able to bring the inner beauty out for the world to experience.

            People were to be my canvasses and the earth my easel.

            I desired more than anything to be able to use the body’s palette to create magnificent works of art. In death, my chosen canvasses would be given life—no, I would bestow upon them the gift of eternal life: Immortality.

            They would live forever as splendid works of imaginative art, and one day I would be praised as an innovator, a genius. Our names would resound through the centuries, remembered by all those who live and love fine art.

            If feline members of the animal kingdom could arrange such gorgeous tableaus, there was no reason I could not find and hone my skills to do the same. Not to mimic but to take my visions and create masterpieces for the world to gaze upon and appreciate as fine works of art.

            The reds of the scene—some dark, some shiny—still stick out vividly in my mind; when I close my eyes and concentrate, I still see them and they appear as fresh now as the day I first laid my eyes upon them. Every minute detail etched in my mind’s eye, there for my viewing pleasure.

            People were so fascinated. My work made headlines and was the mainline story on the newscasts. A primary showing worthy of the publicity.

            But all the stories and reports and the glory-hungry reporters got one important thing wrong: it was not my first.

            Far from being the first in my artistic process, it was the first I allowed anyone to discover: my first perfect piece of art. No one would ever find the others; they were inferior practice canvasses, not worthy of being placed in a gallery. And like any artist would do, I disposed of them after I refined my techniques, enhanced my visions.

            So what I presented for them, what they saw, was perfect.

            Practice made perfect.

©Frank E. Bittinger 2012

I bid you welcome, my minions. Welcome back to my lair.

I would like to speak with you about monsters. What if monsters invaded your home? Sneaking in and attacking you when you least expect it? Biting and drinking your blood; draining your veins dry?

Unless you’re some kind of weird-ass freak, you probably wouldn’t care too much for this scenario. Just remember: weird is good.

But I digress; I would like to speak with you about fleas. Being a person who works with animals and rescues/shelters, I am often asked what I use to keep fleas out of my house. In this arid & humid weather, it is pretty much impossible to keep fleas out of your house, especially if you go in & out of your house or have animals living with you. Fleas will hitch a ride on you (step outside in most areas, and you will find one or more fleas have jumped on you) and invade your home; they will crawl under doors that have a teeny opening between the door and the floor; they will also come through open windows, because when they are still growing, fleas are smaller than the openings in most screens.

All it takes is one pregnant female. She will lay thousands upon thousands of eggs and soon you will have an infestation. It’s a cycle that you will fight to break; most people have to clear out of the house with their pets for 3-5 hours while a professional exterminator wages war with the insects.

Most professional products can only be applied to your house or to your pet on a cycle of once every thirty days or so. I would like to impart a home solution I have discovered that has worked for me. I in no way guarantee it will work for you because I am not a professional exterminator; I can only tell you what works for me.

If you eat any citrus fruits like lemons, limes, oranges, grapefruits, etc, keep the seeds and peels. Boil them in water on a rolling boil for 20-30 minutes to help release the oils—making sure the water doesn’t evaporate completely, although you can add water to dilute the mixture after the boiling if it is too thick to spray. Be sure you use the peels; the essential oils are not in the juice so buying citrus fruit juice and spraying will not necessarily kill fleas but it may entice ants into your home.

Fleas hate the oils in citrus fruits because it will kill them. Spray as often as you like; I spray usually twice a day in this extreme heat: once in the morning and once in the evening. There are two pluses to using citrus oil spray to kill fleas: (1) it makes your house smell nice and fresh at all times and (2) if you have hardwood floors, the citrus oil is good for the wood and can make it nice and shiny.

Be sure to spray under sofas, under shelves, in corners, carpets & rugs, and if you are sure your furniture won’t stain from the citrus oils, spray your furniture including you sofa. I spray under the cushions on all my sofas every other day. Don’t forget, you can also spray around doors and windows to help keep out any invading creatures who may find there way in around windows and doors.

You can also put this mixture

on most pets and use it more often than chemical professional flea drops. But please be advised: as with people and allergies, your pet could have an allergy to citrus fruits.

Since fleas don’t always stay on your pets—in fact, they normally jump on and off your pet—I vacuum every evening without fail. Make sure you take the bag or container outside immediately to dump. DO NOT dump it in your inside trash can; this does not remove the fleas from your home; it only deposits them in another place in your home. I vacuum every evening, and I vacuum my furniture every two or three days. Vacuuming all your furniture will only take a few minutes to a half hour when you get the hang of it after a few times. It takes me less than 10 minutes to vacuum my entire downstairs each night and I have a big house. But the key is remembering to dump the vacuum outside after you vacuum each room to get any fleas out of your house.

I have to tell you vigilance pays off and this really works for me; I have quite a few animals living with me and I don’t have fleas. But don’t expect to get rid of fleas if you only spray once a week or only vacuum once in a while. I will say it again: Vigilance pays off.

This process takes minutes a day. Do you want to take a few minutes to spray and vacuum every day or do you want a never ending cycle of flea infestation?

Vampires are sexy but those little bastards we call fleas don’t qualify,

Nighty-nightmares…